Good morning peeps,
Let me just say that if you’re feeling down, try not to panic. Life will always be very strange and it’s how you deal with it that matters. So I want to begin today’s blog post with a small tale (though when are my tales ever small…?)
Trust me when I say that it is worth it to make it to the end.
Some of you may know that I’m in a situation where I need to move but have very little money to do so. I asked friends a month or so ago if I could move in with them; even temporarily; even just on the couch. Not one of them got back to me. I know what you’re thinking, “Ouch.”
Then one fine day when taking a shower, I remembered a resource in my city called “Housing Help”. I assumed this to be a blessing but it wasn’t – at least not for my situation. I thought perhaps I could get a one bedroom and live on my own for a while – a new concept for me. I could be more independent, learn how to cook, be able to write more, organize how I want without feeling boxed in, etc… Except due to the fact that I’m on government assistance, I can only realistically get a room. The worker at Housing Help didn’t express high hopes for something to come up in two weeks. Imagine, being told that you might have to *apply* to go into a shelter. And not be guaranteed a spot…
Everyone has a breaking point. That was me a couple days ago. I spiraled hard. I didn’t want to be me and therefore I didn’t want anyone to see me either.
Perhaps I’m weird in that I didn’t want to doubt on the issue too hard, so I continue to watch positive youtube videos, attend free webinars, and jump on anything good I could get my hands on. I was a wreck for only a day. During this time, a friend of mine blew up at me for no reason and almost cost me my relationship. I was upset AND angrier than ever before. This was likely the most volatile I’ve been in many many years. It’s not like this friend was a newer person that just didn’t understand me. No, this is a person who should know better, and whom I’ve known for 20ish years. I’m over it. Good riddance. I’m not even the slightest bit upset. Though, at the time I was.
How am I looking at this instead? Well.. I have to move. I have to pack. I have things that are way more important than dealing with a ‘friend’ who was being an insensitive dumbass.
So, because of the positive things I’ve injected myself with lately, I thought to myself, “if you’re feeling down, swallow your pride and ask for help.”
And then I ran. Yep. I closed down facebook immediately after I made that post. It was a simple post. “Does anyone have a room…?”
Why was that hard? Because. I’ve spent my life helping friends find the phone numbers to suicide hotlines, connecting them with people who could give them jobs, even letting them stay at my house despite it almost costing me everything. Most of these people got up, got their shit together and moved on. But they always forgot about me and what I did. In turn, I spent years shutting down. So you can imagine asking for help is not something I’m good at. I am normally the helper. The ear that people need. The shoulder to cry on should they need it. IF those people are around still, they would confirm what I’ve said.
It hurts to swallow pride but we all walk forward. Things get better from here so long as you look for the opportunities, which is part of the point I want to make.
I have options now. Friends have come out of the woodworks offering remarkable things – at least, to me they are remarkable. If you maintain the perspective that the world will find a way to help then you will get it – and sometimes where you don’t expect. But don’t take this as preachy, it’s not meant to be that way. Opportunities are everywhere you just have to open your eyes to them.
So let me say that if you feel sad, know that you are never alone. People you hardly know will give you a chance. Because of that ‘bravery’ – if you could call it that – I might have a place to go. It wouldn’t have been an option if I didn’t take the chance. But try not to worry too much because I will kick this moving thing in the teeth if I have to… And then get back to writing. Then apply for a job that will open doors to me… Then plan for my future. I’m crafting it carefully and nothing is going to tear me down. I’m done with this chaos. I’m forging my own destiny.
So now I want to leave you with a video that I just watched. I didn’t even recognize who he was until a few minutes had passed in the video. As with Ted Talks, it’s only an 18-minute long video and it’s worth watching. Trust me. Just do it.
Here’s the link to The 3 A’s of Awesome. If you’ve seen it, watch it again. It puts a smile on the face and that takes muscles 😀
Keep your head up peeps and enjoy the day. There’s lots more to come.