It’s been a long couple of weeks but I’m back.
It’s great to be writing again or trying to write again, on here that is… So welcome back peeps!
I’ve been mentally going back and forth in my mind as to the topic of today’s post. In fact, I haven’t even titled it. Maybe you don’t know this but my middle school experience in English class revolved around a topic or quote on the board. We would write what ever we could think on the topic. It wasn’t necessary to write a whole piece on that topic/quote but so long as there was a reference to it somewhere in the thought. Because of this, I’ve always been able to write without much direction/plotting/outlining but I DO require something like.. a title. When I entered into my first NaNo experience, I started Agnus the Beast with that title, and subsequently that character. Also, on a related note, Agnus the Beast is my own character created in Dungeons & Dragons. It was a character that progressed through a campaign setting for Pathfinder called Kingmaker. She was to be the one to run the militia in the end, although the group fell apart after we completed the first book.
Anyways, the last few weeks I’ve struggled to write anything. Articles, Novels, Short Stories I have in mind to submit into competitions. There are a number of reasons for that:
- Rival Week – a week long of show matches of professional players in Rocket League. Each day was about 2.5 hours long of moderating sizable chats and watching more of one game than I normally do. I like to be diverse. This is why I exist in many channels on Twitch both as a moderator and as a viewer. Sometimes, I just want to watch relaxing Cities Skylines. Ya know?
- RLCS Qualifiers – Pro Rivalry League, a community centered around the fans of Rocket League, was chosen as one of the groups to HOST to qualifiers for RLCS. That meant that as a moderator of PRL and a writer for EloTalk focusing on PRL content, I was part of the massive group of people to moderate a chat of 20k viewers. There were several meetings about the rules surrounding the tournament, asking questions about the bracketed platform, dealing with issues brought forth by players, and training the mods on how to be really good at moderating etc… This occurred over this weekend and now I’m plainly exhausted. It’s 3pm ish and I’m still tired.
- Before all of that, I did a movie review for Ex-Machina and the panel did not go as I expected. Nor should it. This was the first time I ended up on a panel of a small press publisher and a published author. Then there’s little ole me. Incidentally, that wasn’t the problem I had after leaving the panel. I walked into the experience with one viewpoint about the message and theme of the movie – in my writing group we’ve been focussed on POV and themes in your work which means I was focussed more on those points than anything. The other two panelists were really on the same page as to a totally different point in the movie. Let it be known that at no point did I feel threatened by a difference of opinion. I respect both of these people. Anyways, what this panel had me thinking about for the rest of the day was more about two ideas. The first being that I’m very tired of seeing the same labels being pushed onto people, for better or worse. The second being that I felt like shit for not being more prepared for that panel. I should have expected the strong opinions – not to battle them – but to not feel so thrown off to the point of not having much to say. I had a zillion thoughts walking into the panel, and I felt like none of it was important given the interpretation and thoughts of the other panelist. We like a difference of opinion on the panel and I had issues bringing myself back to normal when filming. I guess what I’m saying is the rest of the day I was upset with myself for not being better at explaining myself or seeing greater issues. You see, I like to be able to understand as many sides of a story and in this case, I missed the ball.
- And perhaps the biggest kick in the ass for me in terms of why I’ve slacked off on writing anything revolves around editing. For EloTalk, I not only write about video games but I edit as well. On one day we had a contributor submit a piece to be edited that was under a time restriction. None of the other editors were able to handle the piece so I grabbed it. I know precious little about this game but it would be terrible to have walked into editing with the mindset of knowing every game out there. If a person writes something that doesn’t even remotely make sense to another gamer, how is it going to make sense to a person who just became interested in the same game? One must still be clear, so I use articles like this to improve my understanding of games. Anyways, I edited the player interview and I asked the others to give it a once over – since I’m still new to the editing game. I was met with what I construed as a scene of a burning village. The format was wrong, the pictures were in the wrong spot, we aren’t allowed to even touch what a person says… To be clear, I checked with another editor about making the answers readable like taking out an ‘and’ and adding a period. Essentially I took it as ‘everything you do is wrong, you arent a journalist, I have to spend hours fixing this now.’ I almost gave up editing and perhaps writing because of this incident. Anyways, after taking a couple days off where I didn’t talk to anyone or write, I managed to do a paragraph or two on my video gaming book. I also spoke to my writing group about the situation and they had lots of thoughts about the experience. We’ll see what happens.
Somehow in all of that, I’ve been considering putting together a weekly newsletter of sorts. My intention is for that to be clips of information but before I set it up, I’d like to have a road map of what to talk about in these newsletters. Now that the crazy few weeks are over, I have to think about article topics for Dreamhack in September, and can focus on what to do for this newsletter. Save me!
Do you ever have this crazy times where all willpower just fades? What do you do for it? Let me know. We’re in this weird world together.
Until next time.